By Karen Kallen-Brown, LPC Children’s Services Clinician
Years ago, the Denakkanaaga Elders identified twenty-one values to guide us in being healthy, strong, caring, and connected people. Wherever I am, I hear many concerns about the struggles that our children face. The COVID-19 pandemic, the closure of schools, the move to online learning, the disruption to family activities, routines, and traditions coupled with the surge in use of technology have increased stressors that are impacting our children and our communities. We see this played out in emotional and behavioral ways that cause suffering. If we want to change this, we need to consider what promotes wellness and what we can do to create safety nets for our children who are not well. It takes a village to raise healthy children and the Denakkanaaga Elders spelled it out for us: love for children, family relations, village cooperation, sharing, caring, responsibility, and respect.
How can we tell when a child or teen needs help?
Assessing a child or teen’s need for support involves various factors. We need to consider how our children are doing relative to these values:
- Connection: Are they connected to family and community?
- Cooperation: Do they work well with others?
- Kindness and Caring: Do they demonstrate empathy and compassion?
- Initiative: Do they willingly do age-appropriate chores and tasks?
- Responsibility: Are they accountable for their actions and strive to learn from mistakes?
- Respect for Boundaries: Do they honor personal and property boundaries?
- Curiosity and Learning: Are they engaged in exploring and learning about the world? (in and out of school)?
- Overall Happiness: Do they seem happy most of the time?
If you can confidently answer yes to these questions, it suggests the child is likely experiencing mental wellness. They are functioning well at home, in school, and in the community.
Life can be challenging. Children, like all of us, sometimes get stuck when they experience painful, scary, confusing, or unpleasant experiences. Experiencing bullying is often a factor in developing extreme behaviors and negative thoughts and feelings. It is very important that adults ensure children are physically and emotionally safe if we want them to grow into healthy adults. Bullying is not friendly teasing. It is done to harm someone and is about violating a person’s safety. It is about taking power away from a person. To make our schools, homes, and communities safe for everyone, we need to reconnect to those values of kindness and caring. That means each and every adult has to step in when we see or hear bullying. Ignoring it will not make it go away.
Prompt Support: Essential for Children’s Well-being
When children get stuck in the survival reaction to a scary, confusing, painful or unpleasant experience, seeking help promptly accelerates their (and their caregivers’) recovery. A fast response will help them suffer less. When children are struggling with strong feelings, negative thoughts, or behaviors that interfere with their successful functioning at home, school, or in the community for more than a couple of weeks, it is time to seek help. Delaying help can interfere with children reaching their developmental milestones, developing positive social skills, and coping with problems. Without help, they can develop harmful habits that can escalate and may lead to physical health problems, injuries, hopelessness, substance abuse, despair, and even suicidal and self-harming behaviors.
Early Intervention for Children’s Mental Health
When children are struggling, people see it. Often, we don’t know what to do, so we try to ignore it or hope the child will outgrow it. By the time we realize it wasn’t just a passing stage, the child’s entire nervous system can be stuck in states that interfere with living the values we strive for. There are chemical changes in the brain that can get stuck and result in diagnosable mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, and others. Early identification and treatment can stabilize the brain chemistry and help the child get back on track for healthy development. When in doubt, check in with a children’s behavioral health clinician or pediatrician who should be able to help you know whether the behaviors are typical or not for the child’s age. They can help you understand what your child’s needs are and support you in finding ways to meet those needs.
We love our children, yet when children are stuck in unhealthy mental states, they cannot feel our love. In these times, children cannot feel safe and connected, and they feel that they are alone in their suffering. Let’s remove the stigma and shame and focus on doing our best to meet each child’s needs so they can thrive and become resilient, able to handle life’s ups and downs safely.
If a child you love has been showing these symptoms, call TCC Behavioral Health at 907-459-3800. We are here for you!