By Roxanne Frank, TCC Trauma & Grief Recovery Specialist
The holiday season is approaching and for some people it can be challenging time, especially when you are grieving the loss of a loved one. You may experience many different emotions that can be difficult to process during these festive times, like navigating the realization that this year will be different, that there will be a void you cannot fill, and that things will never be the same. This grief can be overwhelming and often feels like a roller coaster—one day can be a good day and the next day can be hard.
It is important to remember that grief is a process. It doesn’t happen in a certain way; it can be overwhelming and confusing. You’re not alone, you do not have to handle your grief perfectly. Grief affects everyone differently. Some emotions you might be feeling are sadness and loneliness, anger, and confusion. If you feel happy, you might also feel a sense of guilt because you feel happy. You may even just not know how to feel at all during the holiday season.
Do not pressure yourself to have “perfect” season. If you decorated the whole house in the past and now only want to decorate a tree—that’s okay.
Know it’s OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. You’re allowed to be sad, to cry, and to miss them. It’s okay to have a bad day or a good day. Give yourself permission to grieve.
Embrace your memories. Remembering your loved ones is a healthy way of including and honoring them. You can continue the traditions that were once important to your loved one or start a new tradition in their memory. It can be simple, such as having a picture of them during family gatherings or at the dinner table, lighting a candle or even baking their favorite dessert.
Acknowledge your pain. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judgement. When you don’t acknowledge or express what you are feeling, that can be stressful and even compound the grief.
Support someone else who is grieving. If you are in the position of supporting someone experiencing grief, acknowledge their grief. Let the person know that they’re going through a difficult time, sometimes you don’t need to say a word, just sit with them and be present.
Share memories. It’s okay to talk about your loved ones. It can be helpful to keep their memories alive and honor them. It is okay if the person does not want to share.
Take care of your needs. Taking care of yourself is important so you will be there for your loved ones. Find joy in small things, engage in healthy activities that encourage and empower you.
Honor many kinds of loss. Remember, death is just one form of loss. People also experience many other types of losses, such as divorce or break-ups, the loss of pet, miscarriage, transitions in life stage like retirement or an empty nest, moving away, health challenges and financial hardship.
Take care of one another. Remember you’re not the only one grieving, family members and including children are grieving. Everyone will experience differently, so there is no right or wrong way to grieve or feel. The most important thing is allowing yourself to grieve and heal and your own pace. Be kind, compassionate, and patient with yourself and with each other.
May the holiday season fill your home with joy and peace and good memories.
In time of darkness, love…
In time of silence, love hears…
In time of doubt, love hopes…
In time of sorrow, love heals…
And in all time, love remembers.
May time soften the pain
Until all that remains
Is the warmth of the memories
And the love.
– UNKNOWN